My thoughts have been for Pam on this first annivrsary of her passing but I haven't forgotten her husband Alan Mullis who was devoted to her nor her three sons and their partners plus the wonderful grandchildren she was so proud of. Alan I know in particular will have been as destroyed as myself at her loss. She cared for him very much and would do nothing to hurt him..nor did she...but Pam and I shared something between us that time and space could never dilute. We were one entity. We melded as one whole being. We had something so beautiful and clean, so deep and so perfect it could and would never be replicated in any other relationship. To say we we loved each other would simply sell it short...we were to the end.. as perhaps no other couple in all of time ever was...I am so desperate without her in my life..I'm broken, unwhole and wrecked as if someone took a large knife and sliced me top to bottom down the middle. My life since 22nd March, 2012 has been lived on auto-pilot... I seem to do things in a trance almost without conscious thought. I cannot get her out of my mind and I don't want to but having her there is causing such pain and heartache I think I now understand how individuals can die of a broken heart...it actually feels as though I'm doing that...in slow motion. I laid our favourite flowers on her grave yesterday...red roses...only her and I knew the signifigance of red roses and she always denied liking them to everyone else because it was such a personal matter to us. Red roses for the passion with which we loved each other..a passion that burned white hot and the embers of which were never diminished. We learned about love as new borns. With her I went from a boy to a man and she to full and complete womanhood...no two people loved like we two...Burton and Taylor had an explosive and passionate relationship but it was as a cinder to the bonfire we lit together...I shall never be able to say goodbye because I truly believe she waits for me somewhere in time, in an afterlife we have no conception of on earth and that I shall be with her again..soon when I die and I welcome death with open arms so that the dream comes true..